Be it resolved to quit ….

By KAREN HERZOG, Bismarck Tribune
It’s safe to say that “lose weight” and “quit smoking” are at the top of many a New Year’s resolution list. And they, sadly, top the failure list every year as well.
Not that it’s a contest, but some say weight loss is harder, because people can’t just “quit” eating. Others say quitting cigarettes is harder because it’s so physically addictive.
Either way, when you hear people say, about giving up unhealthy physical or mental habits, “I could never …” they truly believe it.
“Never” is not literally true, of course. If somebody were stranded on the South Pole without smokes or sweets, they would give them up. They’d have to. Or if somebody put a gun to their head and said, “eat that doughnut or smoke that cigarette, and I’ll shoot,” I’ll bet they could stop.
People can do it. They just really, really don’t want to.
Resolutions fail oftentimes because people are aiming at the wrong target — they fixate on the end product instead of resolving to follow a process. Because imagining the daily slog required for success is so less enjoyable than hazy fantasizing about the prize.
“Quit smoking” is tough, no doubt about it.
The idea that they can’t ever smoke another cigarette empowers some people and terrifies others.
That’s because there are cold turkey people and baby steps people.
Cold turkey people tend to be dramatic and competitive. These folks are the ones who will make the operatic gesture of ceremonially tossing out their last pack. This signals to the world that the gauntlet has been thrown. They have challenged the cigarette lover within them. Since they hate to lose, the next weeks will be a bloody spectacle. These are black-and-white folks — they will never have another cigarette or lapse back to two packs a day.
Baby steps people prefer stealth. They don’t appreciate commentary from the peanut gallery. It makes them uneasy to have others watch them sweat and struggle. They want to grind through the process alone to emerge one day quietly smoke-free.
Baby steps people can accept shades of gray, admitting that backsliding a few times will be part of the process.
But they persist, gradually narrowing their window for smoking — first the house is off-limits, then the car, then certain times of day. They sneak quietly away from cigarettes like a mom tiptoeing away from a baby who has finally fallen asleep.
Whichever type you are, one realization can boost your chance of success.
“Self-talk” matters.
When you’re already struggling to do something hard, coming down even harder on yourself when you falter or fail doesn’t necessary spur you on to greater commitment — it just adds another level of frustration and disappointment to carry. Then the temptation arises to just chuck it all and give up.
Instead of flogging yourself for setbacks, turn a 180 and praise yourself for making the effort. Applaud your spirit.
Despite your own resistance and those who want to sabotage your process, you have an intimate friend who supports your will to live healthier.
It’s yourself.
(Karen Herzog feels your pain. She had her last cigarette 39 years ago and still sometimes feels nostalgic for them.)
(Reach Karen Herzog at kherzogcolumn@gmail.com.)
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